The Retreat of “Life Prepared by the Lord” changed my life!

I was writhing with resentment toward my husband

November 25, 2023, Monica Shin Hyo-shim, Korean-American

Praise be to Jesus, Praise be to the Blessed Mother.
I am Monica Shin from the USA. From when I was in my mother’s womb, my family has been devout Protestants.". Then I married into a Catholic family, but I thought I had nothing to learn from them because they were not devout. Also, my husband was a lapsed Catholic, so I spent every Sunday in agony for seven years.

When we were married, we were granted a dispensation and I was completely unfamiliar with the Catholic Church, so I would go to a Protestant church. Then as my husband decided to practice the Catholic faith again, I followed him to a Catholic church, where there was a small library that lent books on the Saints. After having read some books on the Saints, I resolved to go to the Catholic church.

I realized, ‘Catholicism is so tremendous that it cannot be compared with Protestantism!’ Thus, when I went to the Catholic church, the priest asked me to bring only my baptism certificate. Then, right there, he conducted the entrance ceremony into the Catholic Church. So, I became a Catholic without learning the catechism. Therefore, I never learned about a devotion to the Blessed Mother. You know, when you go to the church, there is a statue of the Blessed Mother. In front of the statue, I used to silently say, “Blessed Mother, if you are not here, there would be many Protestants coming.” I always said to her like that.

How big such sin was! I want to confess from the rooftop, 'I have committed such a big sin against all Catholics, against the Blessed Mother’s children.' I also went to confession. At that time, I didn't make an efforts to understand who the Blessed Mother is.

How many tears of blood must the Blessed Mother have shed to look at me who thought and said in such a reckless way? I think Our Lady has called me to Naju with Her tears of blood. During my first pilgrimage to Naju in 2004, when I got off the bus and started walking, I smelled a truly intense fragrance, a scent that didn't disperse at all. It felt like the angels were spraying it. However, at that time, I couldn’t realize that it was the Blessed Mother’s word to me, "Child, I love you."

In 2007, our family immigrated to the USA. The pivotal moment that changed my life came with the retreat of “Life prepared by the Lord”, which I joined during Lent last year. Since then, I diligently participated in it. This retreat touched my heart every day. Every time I read it, I meditated on it hard, and all my emotions, such as unforgiveness, ill feelings, frustration, self-righteousness, etc, started to fall apart. My conversion is still in progress.

‘The life prepared by the Lord’ began to transform me. An incredible story about Mama Julia! The truly moving story of Mama Julia obeying her mother-in-law who unreasonably demanded money, not complaining, 'Why does she behave like that?', not even once. Her obedience to her mother-in-law, nay, to God's will is so touching that I think, "She is not a mere human; She is an angel God has chosen and sent to us." She's two years older than me.

"She is contemporary with me, but how much we are different!" Every day, as I engaged in the retreat of ‘the Life prepared by the Lord’, I kept going down as a sinner. Another touching moment from her childhood was when she was six years old and her uncle took out her live tooth. But she did not complain at all; how could she be like that? Then, she forgave her uncle and gave a private baptism to him on his deathbed– it goes beyond imagination. The conclusion is that: ‘God must have sent an angel.’ I even thought so.

Moreover, when I read a story where she forgave her husband, covering everything with love, and saying to him, “You've been through a lot”, I was truly touched. As I saw her forgiving her husband, my heart also began to melt. I had been making tremendous efforts to forgive my husband for a long time. And now, I was able to forgive my husband.

When I read ‘The Way of Love for the Lord’, I thought Mama Julia was a saint. And with the detailed daily stories in ‘The Life Prepared by the Lord’, I can follow and learn her example, which makes me melt in it. I would think in my heart, 'Ah, wouldn't it have been great if this retreat had come out earlier?' But then I came to understand her gentle and kind heart and her desire to hide such things about her husband and her mother-in-law. But she decided to make it public for our sake. I can't express enough gratitude for such a decision.

And then, I, who was struggling with unforgiveness towards my husband, ended up forgiving him. I realized I had carried my cross, not out of love but out of obligation. That was why I had called myself Simon of Cyrene, but I came to realize that I did not even deserve that title. I felt that I should say sorry to all my sisters-in-law, brother, sister, and brother-in-law because I did not treat them with love. I cannot possibly stand in front of God.

While I am staying in Gyeonggi Province in Korea now, I met with my sister-in-law. In the early '90s, my husband lent her ten million won through his overdraft. Later, even when she became well-off, however, she didn't repay the money at all. But now I forgave her, so I said to her, "Sister-in-law, I'm sorry. Forgive me for all my mistakes and for the discomfort and frustration that you felt because of me." She was so surprised and said, "Monica, how can I say now? I am sorry, too." It was the first time she had reacted like that.

As I pondered on how I treated my sisters-in-law and my sisters, I was deeply ashamed of myself. I go down as a sinner. Mama Julia is endlessly righteous but her righteousness was trampled upon by evil.

Looking at Mama Julia’s life, I feel I have nothing to boast about. A recent story about Mama Julia’s endeavor to achieve reconciliation with Chairman Lorenzo is very touching. Mama Julia said the right thing but Lorenzo got upset with her. I thought, “Once I thought that I said the right thing, I adhered to my opinion to the end, thinking I was right, never surrendering to anyone. How long did I adhere to my opinion?”

However, Mama Julia made every effort to reconcile with Lorenzo. Then Jesus finally intervened after watching Julia make such efforts, not giving up despite Lorenzo’s inhospitality and disregard. I learned a significant lesson: "Oh, this is how I should live from now on! I should live my life like this!" It's a great lesson, and I will wait for another episode tomorrow.

In the meantime, I had no plan to visit Korea. And I ordered this beanie two weeks ago and started wearing it. While wearing this beanie, I prayed for a heart of love and forgiveness. And while wearing it, it suddenly came to mind, 'I have to go to Korea!'

I am usually timid and not very courageous. However, this time, I wanted to act on this inspiration. I bought a plane ticket that day, and while waiting for the ticket to arrive home, I was pleasantly surprised. 'It must be a calling from Our Lady of Naju.' When I purchased the ticket, I didn't know if it was a calling from the Blessed Mother of Naju. Because there had been no plan to visit Korea at all.

These days, when I look at the Naju website, grace is pouring abundantly. Thick milk is pouring, and along with it, a message was given in late October. Various graces are pouring out. So, I had a desire to visit Naju. That's how I ended up being here. This is grace. And while singing the hymn at the Chapel, I burst into tears. While shedding tears, it felt like I met the Blessed Mother, my real Mother who welcomed me, saying, “Finally, you came to Me!”

I spent my whole life searching and wandering something important as a Protestant, but I realized what I was searching for my whole life turned out to be the Blessed Mother! Now I know how amazing the Blessed Mother is, and because the Blessed Mother's intercession is so powerful, what I used to say, 'If only the Blessed Mother weren't here in the Church...' has changed. Now, when I call 'Blessed Mother,' then Jesus will also come together with Her! I was changed like that.

Now, no matter what pain my husband’s family caused me, both my husband and his family have become my truly grateful benefactors who introduced the Blessed Mother to me. Even my husband is my benefactor. In Protestantism, they don't know true humility because they do not accept the Blessed Mother and there are no Five Spiritualities there.

I think Mama Julia is an angel and a star sent by God from heaven to teach us the love in the Bible, which is difficult to act on, through the life of the Five Spiritualities. So, I dare to say that the life of Mama Julia, who is like a morning star, is like this. 'There is no one on earth who experienced as many injustices as Mama Julia did.' I believe, 'Anyone who reads her life prepared by the Lord cannot help but melt, and their hearts cannot help but be changed. They will realize what true love of God is and what the love spoken of in the Bible is.'

Mama Julia offers up so much pain every moment because she lives the life of the Blessed Mother in this era. It's truly astonishing. How could she offer up everything without harboring any anger? She is so different from me. I am deeply grateful for God's will to send an angel in this era. Another touching aspect of her life was when she went abroad and someone accidentally stepped on her foot, she responded, 'I'm sorry.' That was very impressive to me. As a result, even here, whenever I go to restaurants, I find myself saying 'thank you.' I don't know how grateful I am to our exemplary Mama Julia.

Thanks to Mama Julia who transforms endless betrayal into love, I also can offer up and endure. I repent every day whenever I participate in the retreat of ‘the Life prepared by the Lord’.

In the churches where the traditional Latin Mass is offered, the Eucharist is received on the tongue. However, on November 18, two years ago, at the Latin Catholic church, I used to attend, both a Monsignor and a priest were there. It was a church where the traditional Latin Mass was offered, but Monsignor passed away from COVID in his early 60s. After that, the daily Mass ceased. After the Monsignor, who had heard Confessions for a long time every day, passed away, the church ended up closing daily Mass. Since there is no priest at this church, they invite one priest from a monastery only on Sundays.

Mama Julia talks about love. When I heard that Communion is received in the hand in Naju due to the possibility of the spread of the virus, I thought, 'Yes, that's right. We should protect priests. If I adhere to what I think is right and my opinion, insisting on receiving the Eucharist on the tongue, maybe the virus could be spread.” So now I understand, 'This is love! This is love for priests!' So, I followed Mama Julia's words. I share this with you because I had an experience of realizing that we must protect priests first. Thank you. Blessed Mother of Naju, thank you so much.

From now on, I will make efforts to wipe off the Tears of Blood You shed for me. Mama Julia, thank you so much. I am truly grateful to you for making public even what you wanted to hide so that I may truly repent. Thank you.