Chapter 11.   The two days when I couldn’t receive the Holy Eucharist (May 1, 1981)

I had attended Mass every day even before being baptized. So whenever I received the Holy Eucharist after my baptism, I couldn’t help but feel so happy.

I also attended Mass even after that incident, but I couldn’t possibly receive Holy Communion as I couldn’t forgive my mother-in-law, so my anxious heart felt like it was burning vigorously.

Since I was not able to receive Holy Communion for two consecutive days, I became so spiritually hungry and couldn’t bear it. Never before had I imagined that it could be so painful like this not to receive the Holy Eucharist.

Then I implored the Lord earnestly. “Jesus, I couldn’t receive the Holy Eucharist because I couldn’t forgive and reconcile with my mother-in-law. But after receiving the sacrament of reconciliation, I will receive you. Please forgive me, will you?” I first took a bath before going to confession in order to be clean inside and out, and went to the Naju parish church, but unfortunately, the pastor was not there.

As I couldn’t put up with this spiritual thirst, I went to Songjeongri close to Naju in order to go to confession in another parish church. There were two parish churches in Songjeongri. I visited them both, but as it happened, the pastors were away. I had no choice but to go to Gwangju for confession and took a bus leaving for Gwangju.

With my heart full of a desire to receive Holy Communion after confession whatever might happen that day, I implored the Lord to give me the grace of forgiveness, praying the rosary ceaselessly.