617. Having the Pain in Reparation for the Abortion, Even Before the Surgical Site from the Hysterectomy Had Healed

💌 617. Having the Pain in Reparation for the Abortion, Even Before the Surgical Site from the Hysterectomy Had Healed

Not long before that day, Father Park, an assistant priest from Busan Joon-ang Church, visited me. As we conversed, we prayed together, holding hands for unity among priests, religious and lay people. During the prayer, sweat kept flowing continuously, not just a drop or two. As I wiped my sweat repeatedly, I offered the prayer of life, saying, “Please take away all the bad things from the priest’s soul.”

Seeing me in that state, the priest was astonished and said, “Oh, I never fully understood before but seeing you pray while shedding so much sweat makes me realize now that Jesus prayed with all His strength, sweating blood in loneliness in the Garden of Gethsemane.” He then left, joyfully, having received grace.

Later, on the day that a nun who had suffered from pesticide poisoning for 40 years was healed, I attended the evening Mass at the Joong-ang Church with my husband. During Mass, my husband said, “Honey, now that you no longer have a uterus, I suppose you will not experience the pain in reparation for abortion anymore.”

I replied, “Well, that is something only God can decide. How could we know? If the Lord wishes, He will still allow me the pain in reparation for abortion, even without a womb; if not, He will not do it. I will follow whatever the Lord’s will is, saying ‘Amen’ to it.”

Then my husband nodded, saying, “That is right, that is really true.” However, right from the beginning of that very day’s Mass, the intense pain in reparation for the sins of abortions began. It came even before the surgical site had healed, let alone fully recovering from the hysterectomy. As I watched my abdomen suddenly swell up as though I were in the later stages of pregnancy, I praised the Lord, returning all the glory to Him and practiced Semchigo as if I were receiving love from Jesus.

“O, my beloved Jesus! Thank You! How much must You love this sinner to grant me such immense love! Through my suffering, please grant the most necessary graces to the souls who are participating in this Mass today.” During the Mass, I quietly said to my husband, “Julio, my stomach is so swollen.”

He was startled and said, “No way. I thought that if you did not have a womb, you would not receive the pain in reparation for the sins of abortion but how did it swell up so much like this?” I replied, “If the Lord wishes to do something, there is nothing He cannot do. I must be grateful and offer it with joy.” He said, “I am worried about you in pain. I will pray too.”

As I recalled, a week after my water broke and having narrowly avoided death, I gave birth to my eldest daughter, among my four children, without letting out a single scream. My second daughter’s labor began at 9th month but I could not even visit a hospital. It was not until two and a half months after the contractions started that I went to a gynecology clinic in Gwangju.

At that time, the doctor was startled and asked why I had come so late, saying it was dangerous and that I should undergo induced labor immediately. However, due to my mother-in-law’s opposition to induced labor, I had to return to Goonseo, Yeongam, from Gwangju while experiencing intense contractions.

I continued to have contractions, and after 3 months and 7 days of labor, I took an effective medicine, prepared by my mother in tears and gave birth at home. I went through a difficult labor, lost an enormous amount of blood, died, and came back to life, yet I did not let out a single scream.

But the pain in reparation for the sins of abortion after the hysterectomy was far more intense, incomparable to anything else. My clothes were soon soaked in cold sweat and the wound that had not yet fully healed reopened, causing unbearable pain. Yet, I offered it up joyfully, with Semchigo as if I were receiving the utmost love from Jesus. What greater sacrifice could there be for the repentance of the countless sinners who had committed abortions? The more intense the pain became, the more profoundly I became to sink into the sufferings of the Hearts of Jesus and the Blessed Mother.

It was much more difficult than the usual pain, yet my heart burned with a joy like a flame. This was because I firmly believed that the Lord would use the pain of this unworthy sinner wherever it was needed. After the Mass, I asked my husband to bring Father Park, the assistant priest who had visited me recently, because I hoped Father Park would receive grace through my suffering.

“Father, I am currently experiencing the pain in reparation for the sins of abortion. Would you like to touch it?” I asked. The priest, touching my swollen belly, was so astonished and said, “Sister Julia, how can you smile in the midst of such intense pain? I will also do my best in the vocation given to me as a priest, for the sake of souls.”

A few days later, after a long hospitalization of over a month and a week, I underwent another examination at Maryknoll Hospital and returned to Naju. Although I had not fully recovered, the thought of returning to the arms of the Blessed Mother, who had been waiting for me and shedding tears, made my heart rush back, even though my body was still in pain.

I not only underwent what should have been a simple surgery in a difficult manner but I also offered up the pain in reparation for the sins of abortion, all while being unable to be discharged for over three weeks after the hysterectomy. Therefore, if someone who did not know my suffering thought negatively, they might have wondered, “Oh, the Lord can heal her soon but why did He allow this?” and might not have understood.

However, because I knew the Lord’s great love, I never had such thoughts. I believed that because I had asked the Lord for suffering and because He needed it, He gave me as much as was necessary. It could also be that the Lord was testing how graciously I would offer up my suffering.

While I was in Busan, how many graces He bestowed upon us! Although Jesus could do everything Himself if He wished, I accepted that He called me in this way and used me as an instrument. I joyfully gave glory to the Lord.

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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