💌 427. When I Returned Home

“Why do you not wake up and go home now?” At those words, I immediately got up and headed home. However, as I was lying on the cold floor for a long time, my body was as stiff as ice. Since it was so late, it occurred to me that my family were anxiously looking for me. I barely managed to get home by shuffling my legs which would not move well. And I found all my family in chaos.

My whole family were waiting for me anxiously with all the lights on, forgetting it was deep into night. As I, who had been extremely ill to the point where I could barely move, was suddenly gone, my husband, filled with worry, searched everywhere I might have gone but could find me nowhere. He said he was worried that I had died somewhere, so he rode his motorcycle around the neighborhood and searched under bridges, reservoirs, the Yeongsan River, grass fields, and any other place in every nook and corner where a person could have died.

However, It ended up failing to find me, so he returned home in despair and was waiting for me, crying. Not only my husband but also my children were all restless and crying. Although it was deep into night, the children's cries were so loud that it could be heard outside the house. At that sound, tears flowed without me knowing.

As soon as I came back home, my husband came running to me crying and hugged me as if he encountered someone who had died and just returned to life. "Honey! Where on earth have you been? How worried I was! I thought my heart was breaking, thinking, ‘What if you died somewhere?’ Honey, thank you so much for coming back alive. You must live; you must live, definitely.

It is because of me that you are now so sick, your pathetic husband. I will be good to you from now on; I will really be. I will make it up to you 10 times, 20 times, or even more for my mistakes which made you shed tears, okay?" My husband was desperate and heartfelt confession moved me to tears.

"No, you have been so good to me and it breaks my heart to think of the hardships you suffered because of me, your unworthy wife. I am sorry; if it had not been for me, you could have met a better woman."

“Honey, what does that mean? Absolutely not. If I had not met you, I would have already died. I exist today thanks to your utmost devotion and love. You, who are like an angel and who have an angelic heart, should never die. Honey, take courage! I cannot live without you. Now, I will protect you.”

My husband continued to sob throughout the conversation. My husband, who I thought was indifferent, was worried about me so much! It seemed as if all my pain up until now was melting away at his sincere words of love. I was so grateful that I thought once again, I would muster up all my strength to live.

“Thank you, thank you. I would not die; I would not die as long as you are by my side. I will live to show my poor mother that I can live happily with you and the children. I cannot be a tomb in the heart of my mother, who laid down her life unsparingly for my sake.”

Seeing my husband and me, my eldest daughter, the eldest son, and even the younger children, all cried, calling out “mommy”, their mother. So, we hugged all together and sobbed as if we would spend the whole night weeping! Though an uninvited guest named the terminal cancer came to me suddenly, asking me to go with him to a place from which I could never return, I could never accept his offer, leaving behind my beloved mother, husband, and young children who still needed their mother’s care.

I made a firm resolution that I would change my life, going from death to a new life, by the strength gained from the deep love of my resurrected husband who started newly for the sake of his family. I made up my mind again that I would sacrifice my whole body unsparingly, burning it for the sake of my mother and my family.

Though the companion called 'Death' lurks nearby, always ready to seize an opportunity, I will keep this unwelcome friend far away, in order to spare my beloved family from sorrow.
I dreamed of a new hope of surviving by bringing back another friend called ‘health’.

While looking at my beloved family tenderly harbored in my eyes and recalling the sad and lonely image of Jesus on the Cross I had seen at the church, I prayed earnestly, “Jesus, Jesus who died on the Cross and rose again on the third day! Please let my weak and slender body be also resurrected with you.” The deep night retreated before I knew it and the sun was rising powerfully once again. Looking at it, I welcomed another morning of hope.