💌 422. If only you do not go to church, it is okay even if you had twenty children.

Many people at Yeongam Agricultural Guidance Office wanted to be transferred to Naju. But among them, we who didn't want to go were selected for assignment. As we had to leave all of a sudden like this, my heart felt so heavy and anxious as if it would burst. How much I had wished to stay in Gunseo, Yeongam County with the good air and the clean water at least during the last days of my life!

I earnestly had wished to live with these kind grandfather and grandmother (the landlord and landlady), sharing true affection with them until the end of my life. I, who had been thirsty of love and warm heart for a lifetime, was so joyful to share true love with them. However, even that was not allowed for me any longer although my days in the world were numbered.

As my husband did not care about my anxious pleas regarding the matter, not paying attention to me but considering it trifling, I felt bitter. However, what could I do for what had been done? ‘As long as I am alive, I will fulfill my duty until the end. Moreover, if it is where my husband, a public servant, goes, I will follow him even if I were to die.’ Though I felt bitter momentarily, I offered it up with Semchigo as if he had paid close attention to my words and as if I had received his utmost love.

As for my condition, it would have been no surprise even if I had stopped breathing at any moment. I could not eat anything, nor could I defecate. And every breath was agony itself. I had no idea how much longer I could anticipate the remainder of my life. I barely managed to endure each day, shedding invisible tears of blood and writhing in pain. All these situations were too much for me and seemed pitch black to my eyes. 

However, thinking of my beloved family, I, at every moment, renewed my resolution to keep the flames of my love alive until the end, and I did my best to prepare for the move with the spirit of Semchigo as if I were doing the happiest thing. Beginning the very day after we received a call informing my husband of his transfer to Naju, he had to work at the Naju Agricultural Guidance Office. So, once again, I could not receive any help from him in moving to Naju.

Furthermore, as I did not eat at all, it was extremely difficult to move my sick body which felt heavy and sluggish. However, while repeating to myself, "Yoon Hong-seon, you can do it. Keep your chin up.", I came to Naju alone to rent a room after entrusting my children to my mother. Through a real-estate agency, I could have rent a proper room more easily. However, given our financial situation, who would volunteer to find a suitable room for us for free? So, I had to walk around by myself, inquiring people to find a room.

I first visited those with whom I had been acquainted before to ask if I could find a cheap room in Naju. Then, I was told, “Oh, you have two more kids now. Why do you have so many children in today’s world? It will be difficult to find a room with you having four children! So, you had better tell a lie that you have only two.

And once you have moved in, they will have no choice but to accept your family!” Everyone said the same thing. At that time, even with three children, it was hard to rent a room. However, I just could not bring myself to lie to get a room. I went around to several houses but they all rejected me in perplexity. With my sick body already exhausted from too much wandering, I found it almost impossible to take another step.

Close to collapsing, yet offering up with Semchigo as if I were resting comfortably at home, I said, ‘Yes, as long as I have breath, I will do my best, taking the risk of my life which would be consumed.’ With this determination, I went around to find a room. Then, without exception, no one was willing to give me a room because of many children. Still, without giving up, I continued to look for a room, offering up with Semchigo as if I were welcomed and taking arduous steps, though I was as tired as I could ever be.

“God! Please personally provide a dwelling nest for our family. Even if after I die, I believe you will find a good house for our family to live in peace." I prayed as I went to see houses. While walking around to find a room, near a Catholic parish church, there was a house where its owner’s household and another household could live together. Except for the fact that the pump water was a bit far, I liked it.

The owner, upon seeing me, exclaimed with great joy, “Oh, I like having you as a tenant! It feels like wanting to live together with you! Come move into my house right away. Live with us." So, I was overjoyed with the owner's kindness but with a lingering concern, I spoke, "Thank you very much. However, I have a lot of children."

"How many children do you have?" "Um... we have four." Still, she smiled and said, "Oh, that is just few! Since I like you, it is okay even if you had twenty children." I breathed a sigh of relief, thinking, 'Finally, I have found a room!' But, right at that moment that I gave gratitude to God for such joy, she added, “But, as long as you do not only avoid going to church!” I was shocked and taken aback upon hearing those words.

Because, even though I had attended a Protestant church in Gunseo, now in Naju, I firmly decided to attend the Catholic Church. But I put off discussing the matter and instead, focused on getting that room. Many people, seeing me in agony about finding a room, had advised me to at least try to get a room first by telling a lie that I had only two children.

Today, getting a house is not a big deal with the continuous construction of apartments. However, back then, houses were small and renting one with many children was that difficult. Still, unable to lie, I spoke to her frankly. Despite that, she willingly allowed me to live in her house. So, I thanked her so much. As the issue of renting a room was resolved, I thanked God and finally breathed a sigh of relief.

Now, I had to pay the rent with a lump-sum deposit of 150,000 won. We lived in Gunseo, Yeongam with 30,000 won. Then we were 120,000won short. Feeling so apologetic and embarrassed, I had no choice but to ask my mother to get another loan from my aunt in Gwangju and barely got the room.

I managed to succeed in finding a home even with my body worn out as if it were dying. Despite that, I expressed gratitude to God, who provided a shelter for our family. I returned to Gunseo to prepare for the move.