💌 416. I Like the Countryside

After being diagnosed with a terminal illness, I returned home hiding my endless tears, trying to rebuild my body and mind which seemed to be collapsing. My beloved family welcomed me without knowing anything; my mother who was anxious about her daughter's health, whether she was asleep or awake, my husband who made a new start with resurrected life, the extremely filial eldest daughter, the mature eldest son and my younger children as lovely as rabbits!

When I saw my beloved family, my heart was shattered as I was facing death. But instead of showing it, I hid all that pain behind a bright, loving smile. "Even if my life from birth to death is a series of sufferings, I will, until the end of my life, love my beloved mother, husband, and children whom God gave me!"

Is there not an old saying that a candle burns most vigorously just before it goes out? As I faced death in the furnace of trials, I no longer had anything to be hesitant about. Only love for my family remained (lingered within me). As I decided to offer up all my love for my family during the rest of my life as a grain of wheat that falls to the ground and dies for their sake, then, my heart was inflamed vigorously with the love that transcends everything.

With such a desperate love, I did my best in everything and instead of going to the city, I was living a time-limited life alone. As my family lived together in a single room, the landlord, grandfather, had built us a large storage room to keep our household items that we otherwise had to put in our room. So, I thought that my family had enough to live on.

I thought it would be best to spend the last days of my life quietly here, sharing true love with the landlord and the landlady, the elderly couple, who were like my real parents. They showed warm love and affection to me who had never received love in my entire life. I received such love and affection for the first time in my life that it felt like I had found my real father whom I had missed even in my dreams.

So, with a desperate heart, I spoke to my husband. “Honey, I do not want to go to the city. Let us continue to live here with the grandfather and grandmother.” “We can live here as long as I want. Let us do that.” “Then, please say that to the head of the main office.” “Honey, there is absolutely nothing to worry about. This is a remote place, so no one wants to come. Instead, everyone just wants to be promoted. Do not worry.”

Still not reassured, I spoke again. "What should we do if you are ever reassigned all of a sudden?" Then my husband replied, "That will never happen. When you are reassigned, that is, if you are promoted, not demoted, they always tell it to you first. So, if that ever happens, I will tell them that I will stay here." He spoke with confidence.

"But just in case, please tell the head of the County in advance. Okay?" "Oh, I said I do not have to." Strangely enough, I was very anxious but my husband did not listen to me. Since I did not know when I would die, I wanted to live here with good air and water without being separated from the landlord and the landlady.

It was because I thought that if I continued to live in an environment good for health, I could extend my life for even one more day for my family. And my throat was all swollen, covered all over with tiny lumps like millet-grains. So, not only could I hardly swallow any food, but it was also difficult to even swallow saliva.

I barely managed to survive on water alone, only sipping an extremely little bit of water slowly, with Semchigo as if I had eaten rice, praying, "Let all the nutrients of rice be absorbed into me." If he were reassigned to a different place, it would be very difficult for me to move with all households there since I could not even eat. But my husband said it would never happen, telling me not to worry, so I was a little frustrated.

Not only are we poor, but I also have four children, making the living conditions in the city obviously more difficult. At that time, even in the countryside, those with four children were considered barbarians. However, if we ever had to go to the city, even renting a single room would be difficult and we would have to rent a detached house. We could not afford it, so I started worrying. (Families with many children found it difficult to rent a house.)

As my husband continued to dismiss my concern with confidence, that matter seemed to end in that way. So I quietly prayed to God:

"God, why do I have a gut feeling that my husband would be transferred to Naju? However, I completely entrust all of this to You Who is in charge of my life."