637. Asking for Suffering to Participate in the Lord’s Suffering

💌 637. Asking for Suffering to Participate in the Lord’s Suffering

Since the Lord saved me, our family had prayed together every morning and evening. On Good Friday, April 9th, 1982, I finished my work at the beauty parlor early and started praying around 9 PM. 

At that time, my oldest child was 12 years old, my second was 10, my third was 6, and my youngest was 4. The Scripture reading was done by my husband and after singing hymns together, we each took turns offering spontaneous prayers.

While offering spontaneous prayers, it was my turn. As I prayed earnestly, all that filled my heart was a deep longing to console the Sacred Heart of the Lord, torn apart and shedding blood in masses due to the sins of humanity, with flames of fire burning fiercely. If my suffering could lead to the repentance of sinners so that it could bring at least a little comfort to the Lord, what cannot I do? I cried out to the Lord.

“Lord! Even if I groan over this lowliest body of mine by continuously suffering illnesses and pains, how happy I, a sinful handmaid, will be if only my suffering can be even the tiniest help to the Lord’s Work of Salvation! Lord, allow me to share Thy suffering and may Your will be done.” As I spoke and asked for suffering, a crown of thorns appeared before the cross.

At that moment, I pleaded, “Oh! My Lord! Please place upon me the crown of thorns You wore. Through my suffering, may many souls be freed from the constraints of the law, truly regret their sins, repent and become children with whom the Lord is well pleased.” Even before I finished speaking, the crown of thorns was immediately pressed firmly upon my head.

In that instant, numerous large and small thorns simultaneously pierced deeply into my head. Some thorns even pierced through my skull and in that state, the crown of thorns was firmly pressed down, the pain was so excruciating. “Oh, Lord! Thank You. Thank You so much for granting me this pain!” I wept uncontrollably, placing my hands on my head, writhing, while offering a prayer of thanksgiving. 

“Lord! Through this pain I am receiving, each time a thorn is pierced, please save one soul.” As I suffered the pain of the crown of thorns, sweat poured from my forehead like rain, blinding my eyes. I wiped it away with my hands and scattered it but though it was invisible to the eye, it seemed as though I were bleeding profusely. Even while I groaned in the midst of the intense pain, I gave thanks and joyfully offered it up with Semchigo as if I were receiving love of the Lord. Then, the Lord spoke.

“Do you find it so pleasing to join in My suffering?” “Yes, Lord! Of course, it is pleasing. If by joining in the suffering of Jesus, sinners could repent, please allow it to be so. Please.” “Alright, alright. Could you receive even greater suffering?” “Yes, Lord! I would gladly receive it.”

As soon as the words were spoken, I collapsed immediately. The suffering from the Five Wounds in my hands, feet, and side, along with the pain of the Crown of Thorns and the excruciating suffering in the Sacred Heart, as if it would burst, overwhelmed me. I writhed and rolled around at that spot.

From my lips came nothing but, “Oh! Lord, thank You. Thank You for allowing me to participate in Your suffering. Lord, was it truly this painful for You? May You be praised and glorified!” Gratitude poured out from me without ceasing. No other words came from my mouth at all. It was an intense pain that could not be fully expressed in words.

But as I thought that our Lord would accept the suffering I was offering up for the repentance of sinners and that through it, sinners might be able to repent, my heart overflowed with infinite hope and I could not have been happier. How much time had passed? When the suffering finally ended, I regained my senses but my whole body was utterly exhausted. As I got up, I saw my children crying in shock and my husband was watching me with a look of deep concern.

My husband had a look on his face as if he could not understand and said, “How is it possible that, amid such intense suffering, you can only keep saying thank you?” Then he shed tears. I replied, “I am only thankful.” He asked again, “Why? What is it, what could possibly make you so grateful?” Despite my whole body aching, I answered confidently.

“Our Lord is the Lord of love, who values one sinner more than ninety-nine righteous ones. Though I am unworthy, if through the pain I went through, even one soul can repent, how grateful I would be!” At this, my husband slapped his knee with a “slap” and said, “Right, that is incredible. Truly incredible! If it were me, I do not think I could endure such suffering while saying thank you…”

“Why would the Lord save a sinner like me from death? Is it not to use me as an instrument, despite my unworthiness? That is why I am giving my best to completely offer up myself to the Lord. So, no matter what kind of suffering I may go through in the future, do not feel sorry for me but please offer it up well and give thanks. Alright?”

If I could bear even a small amount of suffering for the Lord, if I could participate, even in the slightest, in the Lord’s work of salvation for humanity, I would willingly accept any pain. And the hope that, through my suffering, even one soul might repent brought me great joy and happiness.

I made a resolution as if preparing myself, not knowing what kinds of suffering would be given to me in the future. My husband replied, “Alright, I understand.” After the prayer ended, I looked at the time and it was 11:35. Then, I heard the voice of the Lord.

“My adorable little soul, who rejoices in suffering for the repentance of sinners! I will perform the miracle of love using you as an instrument.” Without the slightest hesitation, I responded loudly, “Amen!”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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