688. Serving as the Second Reader at the Sunday Mass for About Two Years...

💌 688. Serving as the Second Reader at the Sunday Mass for About Two Years...

The superior sister had trusted and cherished me dearly ever since I was a catechumen. From the very day of my baptism, she asked me to read the Second Reading at every Sunday Mass. Although I am merely an unworthy sinner, I treasured delivering and proclaiming the Word of the living Lord. That is why I treasured it more than anything else, rising early at dawn and devoting myself to it with utmost sincerity.

On Sundays, without fail, I would take a bath, read the Second Reading in advance at home, and go to church 30 to 40 minutes before Mass. After going to Confession, I would spend time in Eucharistic Adoration, meditating on the Word of the Reading and asking the Lord that His Word take root in me.

And I offered a Prayer of Life, saying, “Lord! This unworthy sinner is about to proclaim Your living Word. Please bless my lips, so that all who participate in this Mass may not let Your Word pass by their ears, but receive it in their hearts, follow Your will, and put it into practice.” With this prayer, I devoted myself with all my heart.

As the Lord poured out His grace, the faithful were pleased, saying, “Whenever you proclaimed the Reading, we can hear it as a Word full of life and feel the grace within it.” However, as I continued to be assigned the Second Reading on Sundays and was even asked to lead the Prayers of the Faithful, envy and jealousy began to stir among some people. When I came to realize this, I went to the superior Sister and said, “Sister, since people are falling into sin because of me, please allow me to stop reading the Second Reading.”

But the superior Sister simply said, “Julia, please just continue,” and did not change her mind. Some people said that the way I read was insincere and that I was not suited for the reading. Those words deeply pained my heart. As for the criticism toward me, I could just offer up their criticism with Semchigo as if I were loved by the Lord.

However, as I had always approached the reading with earnest prayers that the faithful would be able to clearly understand the Word of the Lord, if even one person became distracted because of me and failed to focus on the Lord’s Word, I considered it entirely my fault. So, in order not to cause distraction to those who had spoken of me in that way, I changed my usual intonation and tried reading the way others normally did.

Then, Jesus firmly poked the spot He had designated in my body! Whenever something was not in accordance with His will, He would poke it. But who could I possibly share such a thing with? I offered up their criticism with Semchigo as if I were loved, and considered them benefactors who helped me grow in humility. In silence, I offered it up. Then, following the will of Jesus, I returned to reading as I had originally done.

However, those who wanted to do the Second Reading continued to talk like that excessively. Since I had been reading the Second Reading at the Sunday Mass for about two years, they, wanting to take my place, kept making delicious food for the priest and the superior Sister, giving all sorts of nice gifts—even envelopes with money—and even went so far as to slander me. But I heard that the priest and the superior Sister, who knew me well, firmly said, “Julia is not that kind of person.”

Since they could no longer go to the superior Sister, they resorted to various means to continue harassing me. What pained me more than their harassment was the fact that they were sinning because of me—I could not bear it. During Confession, I said to the priest, “I will work quietly behind the scenes so that other souls do not fall into sin because of me. Please, I beg you, allow me to step down from the Second Reading.” Then, I went to the superior Sister and pleaded with her almost to the point of begging.

“Sister, please, allow me to stop doing the Second Reading. If I continue with the Second Reading and the Prayers of the Faithful, and others fall into sin or become distracted because of it, then it is because I was present so it is my fault.” Then the Sister said, “Julia, I am sorry for what I have done. You have been doing so well that, even though I was aware of the situation, I ignored it and continued to ask you to read. My apologies.”

I said, “No, Sister. I am the one who is sorry. It was because of me that those people sinned,” and I asked for her forgiveness. After that, the Sister stopped appointing a single person to do the reading. She changed the system so that each group and small community could take turns.

“Lord! Please forgive this sinner. I should have acted sooner to prevent others from falling into sin, but because of me, many have committed the sin of judgment. I shall rightfully offer up penance for them. Since it was because of my presence that they sinned, please forgive them, and kindle within them the fire of love. Drive out all the darkness of confusion that has shrouded their souls, and grant them joy, love, and peace.”

“Yes, My beloved daughter! Showing forbearance to your neighbors is a beautiful act of love, and following Me in the truth that one must die in order to live is the truest and most beautiful love. Therefore, exert the power of love even more.” “Yes, Lord! I will strive to follow You with complete love.”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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