706. Responded with “Amen,” Took the Preaching Notes, and Went Up to the Podium for the First Time

💌 706. Responded with “Amen,” Took the Preaching Notes, and Went Up to the Podium for the First Time

President Paul Lee pulled me out from the rice straw where I had been crying. With his anger still far from subsiding, he glared at me sharply and blustered, “Julia! You do the preaching.” So, I replied, “Noted, President. I will do it. Kindly give me the manuscript. Then, will you forgive me?” But it was of no use at all. Up until that point, although I had been very active as a volunteer, I had never given a lecture before.

It was the feast day of Saint Father Kim Taegon, and I had to give the talk. I held Saint Father Kim in deep respect and love, but I did not feel I was ready to give a proper talk about him. However, I accepted the situation with an “Amen,” offering it up with Semchigo as if I were loved by President Paul. If only President Paul would forgive me, what could I not do? And if the President were to skip the talk because of his bad mood, what would happen to the faithful who had gathered with difficulty for the retreat? And what about President Rufino’s reputation? So, despite my inadequacy, I found the courage to say I would give the talk. President Paul, perhaps not expecting me to agree, stared at me for a moment with wide eyes.

Trusting and relying on the Lord, I said, “Dear President, if you give me the notes for the preaching, I will do it. Please, let go of your anger and forgive me.” Then, President Paul glanced at me and tossed the notes in front of me before walking away. Still, even though President Rufino saw all of this, he did not say a single word. So I quickly practiced Semchigo as if he said, “Julia, I am sorry. It is my fault for inviting him when there was no room.”

 I am the kind of person who cannot, and absolutely will not, go on as though nothing happened without reconciling with my neighbor. It was incredibly painful because, despite all my efforts, he never accepted my apology. However, I thought to myself, “Ah, how much must Jesus love me to allow me such love? Yes, this is not suffering; it is the great love of Jesus, who loves the members of the secondary station so much, that He has allowed me to make this sacrifice for them.”

Though I was deeply troubled and distressed, I offered it up with Semchigo as if I received utmost love, and I read the notes for the preaching in advance. Since July 5th was the Solemnity of Saint Father Andrew Kim Taegon, I asked for his intercession.

“Saint Andrew Kim Taegon! I, an unworthy sinner, was born in this land enriched by the blood of your martyrdom, and I am receiving boundless grace. I am grateful to be given the glorious opportunity to share the love of the Lord and the Blessed Mother, as well as you, with this sinner. Though I am merely an inadequate sinner, please be with me and help me so that I can reveal the glory of the Lord.”

Just as the retreat began and the time for the talk approached, the president remained unmoved. No matter how much I begged for forgiveness, there was no sign at all that he would forgive me.

I thought to myself, “Ah, today’s grace will be great indeed,” and accepting it as such. Before I knew it, it was time for the preaching, and I went up to the podium with the preaching texts written by the president. This was the first time I was going to give a talk in front of people. Since I had never stood on the podium before, I was a little worried, but I accepted it by saying, “I believe Jesus will be with me. Amen!” then I had no fear.

I did not rely on myself, but rather trusted that, “Yes, I am inadequate, but the Holy Spirit, who will grant grace to these secondary station people, will open my mouth.” I trusted in the Lord. I began speaking based on the notes with Semchigo as if I were giving a talk for the Legion of Mary, which I had often done during my Legion of Mary activities. The lecture prepared by President Paul was intended to last for an hour.

Without realizing it, I found myself speaking about other topics, and before I knew it, I had been giving the preaching for almost three hours. Yet, the faithful were listening attentively without losing focus, so I said, “Saint Andrew Kim Taegon! Thank you for helping me,” and after finishing the preaching, I began to pray. To my surprise, the people of the Docho secondary station, who were known for rarely shedding tears, began to weep aloud. Moreover, President Paul, who had been angry with me all day, was suddenly beside me, softly sobbing, and I could feel his tears. At that moment, Saint Andrew Kim Taegon appeared, and after blessing the faithful, he stretched out his hand and sent light to them! I was so surprised and moved, and filled with the grace of the Lord sent by Saint Andrew Kim Taegon, and I prayed even more fervently.

Then, the hearts of the mission station faithful, which had been colder and harder than ice, melted away like spring snow. They began to wail loudly and weep, turning into a sea of tears. And at some point, President Paul took my hand and, cried loudly, “Waaah waaah waaah...” Then he said, “Lord, please forgive me. I have tormented Julia, who has done no wrong. Julia! I was wrong. Please forgive me!” As he beat the ground and wailed at the top of his lungs.

As soon as the prayer ended, I said to the President, “President, thank you. The reason you were angry had meaning. The devil of division, knowing that many graces were about to be poured out, whispered in your ear, causing you to be upset and make me suffer. You were invited here, yet without a proper room, getting bitten by mosquitoes and not being able to sleep well—how hard it must have been for you. But the devil of division used your difficult heart to prevent the faithful from receiving grace.”

He replied, “Still, I am so sorry.” I said, “We reconciled through the love of the Lord, so we have won victory over the devil of division. Right? President, I am okay. So please do not apologize anymore. The devil of division that disrupted the retreat, caused the rift between us, but it is all because of me. It happened because I am here. Let us be more vigilant and united going forward, making known the love of the Lord and the Blessed Mother. President, stay strong!” We shook hands and made a resolution to start anew together.

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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