723. A Vow of Martyrdom Written in Blood—By Biting a Finger and Cutting It With a Dull Knife to Make It Bleed

💌  723. A Vow of Martyrdom Written in Blood—By Biting a Finger and Cutting It With a Dull Knife to Make It Bleed

After the unveiling ceremony, I told Father Oh about the appearance of Saint Andrew Kim Tae-gon, who came alive and held my hand to pass on the spirit of martyrdom. Smiling warmly, Father said, “Yes, you did very well. But I am worried you might get hurt because of the intense jealousy and envy among some of the sisters. So, for now, I hope you keep it to yourself. Alright?” The way he spoke—so gently, like a loving father—left my heart deeply moved.

With a firm “Amen,” I kept my lips sealed and remained silent about this matter. On May 28, while still on my overseas schedule, I visited the large Marian church in Lolomboy, Philippines. There, I made a vow of martyrdom to the Blessed Mother. Then I returned to the hotel, and late at night, while sister Maria Lee—who was sharing the room with me—was asleep, I quietly slipped into the bathroom.

I prayed to the Blessed Mother, saying, “Mother, please help me to make this vow of martyrdom.” Then I bit into my hand, but not enough blood came out. So I quietly stepped back out, picked up the hotel’s knife, and returned to the bathroom to stab my hand. However, the knife was dull and would not cut well. Since my skin did not pierce easily, I bit into my finger and then stabbed the spot again with the knife, but still, not enough blood came out.

It was very painful, but I thought to myself, “Compared to the sufferings endured by the martyr saints of our country, this is nothing but a very small thing,” and I joyfully offered it up hoping that the messages of the Blessed Mother, who shed tears, would be spread throughout the whole world. Breaking out in a cold sweat, I kept on stabbing and biting myself until I bled, and with that blood, I began to write the word “martyrdom” on a piece of paper.

Because the knife was so dull and the bleeding kept stopping, it took me over three hours to finally finish writing the word “martyrdom.” My shoulder ached throughout, but I offered it up, practicing Semchigo as if I had been loved by the martyrs and my soul was filled with indescribable joy at being able to promise martyrdom. I could feel the burning spirit of martyrdom, handed down by Saint Andrew Kim Tae-gon, powerfully alive and at work within me.

As I came out of the bathroom, sister Maria, who was sharing the same room with me, stirred and sat up. I offered a Prayer of Life to the Lord, asking that Father Kim’s spirit of martyrdom be passed on to her as well so that she might live a life of martyrdom. Then, with the hand from which I had drawn blood, I held her hand. At that moment, she exclaimed, “Oh my, Julia! I feel a surge of heat, like electricity, flowing into my hand! It is spreading through my whole body—even my chest feels hot!” and began to weep.

Holding hands with her as she wept and cried out, “Lord! I have sinned. Please forgive this sinner!” I too prayed with tears. That day, we made a mutual promise to live by the spirit of the martyr saints. I asked the Blessed Mother to help me never forget, even for a moment, the promise of martyrdom. And then I offered to Father Ki-seon Oh—the representative of Jesus and my spiritual director—the sheet of paper on which I had written the word “martyrdom” in blood as my vow.

Through Father Ki-seon Oh, I offered it up to Jesus and the Blessed Mother. Father said, “Yes, I will keep it safe,” and took the vow of martyrdom written in blood. “Oh, my beloved Lord! My dearest Beloved! This unworthy sinner is Yours alone. I offer myself entirely to You, desiring only that Your will be done. Amen.”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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