760. Even After I Put Up a Tombstone for Him With Semchigo as If He Were My Own Father, My Heart Felt Empty

💌 760. Even After I Put Up a Tombstone for Him With Semchigo as If He Were My Own Father, My Heart Felt Empty

The thought that I would never again see Mr. Bong pained me deeply. He had left behind 360,000 Won, but I did not spend a single penny of it and offered it all to the parish prayer group for the deceased. I covered all the funeral expenses with my own money. Even if I had used the money he had saved for his funeral, no one would have said anything.

But to me, the cost of the funeral did not matter at all. What I wanted was just to send him off with the heart of love, with Semchigo as if I were truly his daughter, and to give him the love I had not been able to provide before. That is why I offered all of the money to the prayer group. Even with my leg in a cast, I carried out the three-day funeral and offered the funeral Mass, fulfilling the role of his daughter.

From the moment I arrived at the church—even before the funeral Mass began—I wept uncontrollably, sobbing aloud, oblivious to others around me. Some parishioners criticized me, saying, “Is that real crying? Even if one’s parents died, one wouldn’t cry like that.” Sitting beside me, my mother nudged me in the side and whispered, “Stop crying so much. Aren’t you embarrassed?”

My heart hurt so much that I could not calm myself. I felt sorry because my excessive crying led some parishioners to judge and speak ill of me, which was my fault, but I could not stop the tears that poured out uncontrollably. I could not even think about others’ eyes on me. That day, I had also prepared a plentiful amount of food to bring. After the funeral Mass, we buried him in the parish cemetery, and he was laid to rest in the most beautiful and blessed spot.

Until then, I had not even put up a tombstone for my birth father, who had gone missing during the Korean War. But I put one up for Mr. Bong with Semchigo as if I were doing it for my father. People said, “This grave looks far better than those with children to care for them.” But to me, those words brought no comfort at all.

With my heavy leg in a thick cast up to the knee, climbing the mountain was unbearably hard. But as I meditated on the Lord carrying His Cross up the hill of Golgotha, I offered up my struggle completely for the conversion of sinners.

The death of Mr. Bong was already sad enough, but when I thought of Jesus of love, who carried the Cross and struggled to take His painful steps, I burst into tears once again. Some people, watching me sneered and said, “Ugh, what an eyesore. I can’t stand to watch her.”

Yet whenever I heard such words, I would remind myself: “Our Lord carried the heavy Cross in place of our sins, nay, my sins, and endured not only without comfort, but with cruel scourging and mockery. Compared to that, these judgments, insults, and pains of mine are nothing.” So I could joyfully offer them up practicing Semchigo as if I were loved. At that moment, I heard the tender voice of the Lord:

“My beloved Little Soul! With their lips, they claim to believe in and love God, but in their hearts, they have already strayed far from true faith. How then could they possibly see Me with the eyes of Love? Since they look only through human eyes, they cannot recognize Me, who am Love itself, and thus they cannot encounter Me. But keep in mind that I always dwell within your heart, so simple and pure like a little child. Remain in virtue through even greater Love.”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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