775. Even if the Uwhang Cheongsimwon Had Dissolved in Water, Turning It into Prayers!

 775. Even if the Uwhang Cheongsimwon Had Dissolved in Water, Turning It into Prayers!

One cold winter, as I was about to visit a cancer patient, Mr. Rufino arrived. He said he would accompany me, so we went together. While walking, my hands were freezing, so I put them in my pants pockets—and felt something inside. When I took it out, it was a crumpled shell of Uwhang Cheongsimwon, given to me by a sister during a pilgrimage with the charismatic movement volunteers.

When we set out on the pilgrimage that day, after saying a short rosary prayer, before long some of the group were already gathering in little groups, talking in ways that judged and criticized others, and it pained my heart deeply. I did as I always do, reflecting on the humility of Jesus who lowered Himself to the lowest place, I sat in the middle seat of the very back row of the bus, a dangerous place without a seatbelt that others avoided.

I offered up the various voices of gossip from the volunteers, practicing Semchigo as if I were hearing a melody of love, and I quietly prayed the Rosary alone for their conversion. I earnestly offered up their unnecessary conversations, asking the Lord and the Blessed Mother to transform them into words of sharing love. Then, all of a sudden, the suffering began.

I tried not to give myself away, but the pain radiated from my stomach to my whole body, and before I knew it, I was writhing in agony. Then, unexpectedly, the soon-to-be volunteer president said, “Well, if you wanted to sit next to so-and-so, you could have just spoken up,” passing judgment on me! In the midst of the pain, I managed to say with difficulty, “That’s not it.” But the volunteer president, despite my protest, forced me into the seat next to Ms. Go so-and-so, a volunteer of the charismatic movement.

That person, full of pride, envied and was jealous of me, even fabricating things that never happened to put me to shame. What’s more, she would call something a miracle when it was not, using it as a way to draw attention to herself, so that many people began to follow her, calling her “Mother, Mother...” And each time she declared something was a miracle, the people would marvel and cheer.

But at that time, the Lord had already shown me many things, so I knew clearly that they were false, and I could not join in with them. I hate falsehood more than anything. How could I possibly celebrate something I knew was a lie, especially when the Lord was watching!

On top of that, since even the former president of the charismatic movement group and the male officers showed me favor, she grew extremely envious and jealous of me, and would often humiliate me in front of others. After I was forced to sit next to her, she would, in front of the other volunteers, make comments like, “There are so many flies buzzing around Julia.”

Seeing that someone who takes the lead in spreading the Lord’s word could so easily judge and speak strange words to humiliate another person, my heart ached even more in my suffering. Since the other volunteers had already sided with her, they went along with it. Offered it up by practicing Semchigo as if I were being loved, I thought, “How much it must hurt Jesus and the Blessed Mother to see volunteers, who say they work for You, act this way,” and suddenly my heart felt as if it were being torn apart.

At the very moment I offered up that suffering for their repentance, an even more unbearable pain came over me. In the end, I writhed and rolled on the floor of the bus, until one startled volunteer handed me a pill of Woohwang Cheongsimwon (a traditional Korean herbal medicine pill). Yet I knew well that my suffering was for her repentance and that of the other volunteers, and therefore taking it would be of no use.

So I quickly pretended to take it, held it in my hand, and quietly slipped it into my pocket. Having completely forgotten about it, I must have washed the trousers I had worn at that time with it still inside. Since all that remained was the crumpled and crushed wrapper of the Woohwang Cheongsimwon, I immediately offered a Prayer of Life, saying, “O Lord! Though this Woohwang Cheongsimwon has already dissolved in water, please send its medicinal effect to the souls who truly need it, so that it may bring healing combined with Your love.”

Then Mr. Rufino, who had been listening to my prayer, said, “Oh… oh… you resemble the spirituality of Saint Thérèse of Lisieux. How did you know?” He said this because he knew very well that ever since I was baptized, I had not read any books other than the Bible. I asked, “Did Saint Thérèse of Lisieux pray like that?” He replied, “Yes. I always notice that you, Julia, and Saint Thérèse of Lisieux have so many similarities, and especially in how your whole life is completely offered to the Lord.”

At his words, all I could do was thank the Lord. Since I came to know Him, the Lord has raised for me personally, as if I were a baby wrapped in swaddling clothes, guiding and directing every aspect of my life. I said, “I simply follow wherever the Lord leads me. Ever since my baptism, He has designated a certain part of my body, and whenever I think wrongly or even when I walked on the wrong road, He poked me there three times, immediately correcting my mistakes.”

I am always unworthy and lacking but I simply make effort to live according to the Lord’s will. If there is anything good in me, all the glory belongs to Him," I said. Then he replied, “That’s why being with you feels like being with the saints.” I laughed and said, “Oh dear, if the saints in heaven heard that, they’d probably chuckle and say how ridiculous that is.” We laughed together, and just then, I heard the Lord’s sweet and gentle voice.

“My beloved Little Soul! You have grown beautifully and have blossomed into My fragrant little flower. Now, I will fully dissolve you in My Sacred Heart and Immaculate Heart of My Mother so that your fragrance may be spread throughout the world. Remain always awake and stay within Me.”

“Oh, my Lord, my Love! This body belongs to You alone; employ me only according to Your will. Amen.”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

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