767. If Julia Has Done Anything Wrong, Raise Your Hand and Speak Openly Every Detail

💌 767. If Julia Has Done Anything Wrong, Raise Your Hand and Speak Openly Every Detail

Although I was finally able to make my Perpetual Profession in the Secular Franciscan Order three years later after much difficulty, the persecution continued. Because it was I who lovingly renewed the Secular Franciscan Fraternity by inviting volunteers from Gwangju, spending money without hesitation out of love I never lost my affection for the community or for its members, no matter how severely they persecuted me.

Then one day, the Provincial Spiritual Director of the Secular Franciscan Order announced he would be visiting Naju Parish from Seoul. I truly wanted to attend, but I struggled with the decision. “Ah… if I go, people might fall into sin again. Should I just not go?” So I brought it up with the parish priest, and he said, “Julia, the National Spiritual Assistant is coming. Embrace it and go.”

I decided to attend the gathering, saying “Amen” in my heart, practicing Semchigo as if I were loved. Just then, a member who usually stayed neutral, quietly pulled me aside and gave me a heads-up, “Julia, some of the others have already said terrible things about you to the Provincial Spiritual Director. When he comes, things might not go well.”

I was struggling alone, wondering, “Should I go? Or should I not?” Just as I thought, “Maybe I shouldn’t go,” I felt Jesus piercing a specific spot He had designated. So I immediately asked, “Should I go?” Since Jesus didn’t pierce me again, I understood, “Ah, going is the Lord’s will,” and I went with an “Amen” in my heart. 

When everyone was gathered, the Provincial Spiritual Director stood at the front and began to speak. “Everyone, I’ve heard many say that Julia isn’t acting appropriately. If Julia has done anything wrong, raise your hand and speak openly every detail.” His unexpected words surprised me greatly. I hadn’t even greeted the Provincial Spiritual Director beforehand, fearing that other members might judge and criticize me again.

But when the priest spoke so directly right there, no one dared to say anything, and only silence filled the room. Then the priest concluded, “So it was out of envy and jealousy towards Julia! How can you make someone an outcast just because of envy and jealousy?”  Even after those words, no one spoke, and everyone hung their head in silence.

The priest also said, “Those of you who want to follow our Seraphic Father, St. Francis shouldn’t behave this way. Repent and start anew.” I truly believed that Jesus and our Seraphic Father were speaking to them through the priest’s words. “Jesus! Our Seraphic Father! Please guide them to be enlightened, to repent, and to begin anew through the priest’s message, so they may become little souls.”

I offered it up with a Prayer of Life through Semchigo as if I were loved by them. But they were not awake; after the priest left, they continued to repeat the same sins and hated me. I thought, “Saint Francis must be shedding tears of blood in heaven…” I could no longer bear to see them sin because of me. So I asked, “Jesus, should I leave the Order of Friars Minor?” 

Jesus did not pierce the designated area. So I said, “Jesus, I understand. Saint Francis, how deeply your heart must be aching. I will continue to follow your spirituality, our Seraphic Father, but in order to prevent them from falling into sin because of me, I will leave the Order and devote myself even more diligently to the work of the Blessed Mother.” 

I went to my parish priest and said, “Father, until now, I’ve done my best to be a Franciscan who could offer spiritual help even to a single soul. But when I attend the Order of Friars Minor meetings, the bretheren do not treat me with fraternal love in the Lord. Instead, they become envious, jealous, and condemn me, falling into sin. To prevent them from continuing to sin because of me, I must only dedicate myself wholeheartedly to the Blessed Mother’s work.”

Then the priest replied, “Yes, Julia. What you're doing is so important that even focusing on that alone will leave you with no time to spare.” He understood me and gave me permission to withdraw from the Order. And so, after nearly 10 years of dedicated service filled with deep respect and affection for St. Francis, my husband and I withdrew from the Secular Franciscan Order, the Order of Friars Minor.

Although I stepped away from active participation, I continued walking the path of love as a little one, striving to follow in the footsteps of St. Francis with the dignity of one who had made a Perpetual Profession. My deep reverence and love for him never ceased. I cherished his spirit of true poverty and his wholehearted love for Christ, for whom he gave up everything.

On Good Friday, April 18, 2014, while praying the Stations of the Cross at the Shrine of Our Lady of Naju, I participated in the suffering of Jesus as He was lifted high on the Cross, pierced in His right side by a Roman soldier’s spear. The pain of the spearhead passing through His side and penetrating His Sacred Heart overwhelmed me—and I stopped breathing, united with His agony. 

At that moment, I was taken up to Heaven and came before God the Father. He showed me Heaven. Saint Francis greeted me with a radiant smile and a gentle nod. “Saint Francis, please stay with me so that I may faithfully walk the path of love as a little one to the very end! Amen.”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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