587. K Was Participating in Jesus’ Suffering and Julia Was in Pain Because She was Being Punished?

💌 587. K Was Participating in Jesus’ Suffering and Julia Was in Pain Because She was Being Punished?

Because of sister K and her followers, I endured unbearable anguish and had to offer countless sacrifices and extreme sufferings every day at every moment as atonement for them. However, if all my sufferings I received could bring glory to the Lord, I did my best so as to offer them with a joyful heart. I earnestly prayed to the Lord that my days of trials would become the sacrificial foundation for abundance of fruits.

As I offered it up with Semchigo as if I were loved by them in a desperate hope to prevail in the spiritual battle, Jesus of the Holy Eucharist gave me great comfort and strength. At that time, I did not miss daily Mass even a single day. One day, because the pain was so severe that I could hardly hold down my body, I took a taxi and managed to attend Mass with the support of my husband. However, I could not rise for the required rite in the Mass liturgy and had to offer up the entire Mass, just while sitting, nearly writhing in pain.

The next day, a sister came and said, “Sister! K was looking at you yesterday and said, ‘Look at that! Look! That is the gig of the devil and what we are doing is the work of the Holy Spirit.’ She said that your suffering is the punishment, the penance of your own sins, but K’s, her suffering, is the suffering of Jesus, so hers is for the repentance of sinners. Is that true?” she asked me.

Again, what on earth was she talking about? Spreading absurd words and confusing people’s hearts made my heart ache as if it were being torn apart. Yet, I offered it up to the Lord and the Blessed Mother with tears in my eyes practicing Semchigo as if I were loved. I just wanted to attend Mass somehow despite the pain but hearing such things weighed so heavily on my heart. If they see me suffering during Mass once more, it was self-evident that they would commit the additional sin of being judgmental again. 

So, during confession with the parish priest, I did not name anyone, but said, “I still receive suffering when in the church. And some people say it is the devil’s work. Since my presence has caused them to sin, it is all my fault.” The priest soon replied immediately, “Oh, it is K doing that again. Just ignore it. How important the Mass itself is. 

She does not listen to no matter what anyone says. She is arrogant and disregard others.” The priest told me to attend Mass and though I also wanted to attend, I was groaning under double and triple layers of suffering due to people committing sin. Then one day, Father An-dang, an elder priest from the Gwangju diocese, came to the House of Our Lady of Naju on an errand from the Bishop of the Je-ju diocese.

I went to the Sacrament of Confession again, explaining the situation before and after and made the same confession. Father Anthony said, “Julia, do not attend Mass while you are suffering, on which they committed sins as you said. But offer up your suffering at home and pray the Act of Spiritual Communion Prayer. Since you are someone who has received divine extraordinary grace, if you ask with a sincere heart, the Lord will grant you the same grace as receiving Holy Eucharist.”

I obeyed and from that day on, I did not attend Mass when I was in suffering; instead, I replaced it with Act of Spiritual Holy Communion. One day, feeling heartbroken for not being able to attend Mass due to extreme suffering but at that moment I realized, “Oh! I have again failed to offer the little flowers woven with self-renunciation and have been in heartache,” so while offering the Act of Spiritual Communion Prayer, I prayed to the Lord:

“Lord, my Beloved! Since I am in midst of suffering now, I could not attend Mass. But I desire to receive You into my unworthy heart through the Spiritual Holy Communion, with Semchigo as if I were receiving Holy Communion by attending Mass. So, please, Lord, who is present in the Holy Eucharist with Your Body, Blood, Soul and Divinity, come into my inadequate heart. Kindle the fire of love and perform miracles of love, making me a worthy instrument of Your Love to reveal Your glory.

Even though I am inadequate, insignificant, and unqualified, help me to carefully take care of all the tasks that need to be done one by one, with the wisdom, discernment, and knowledge of the Holy Spirit that You provide. I will draw closer to You as a humble and little soul. If You, my beloved, who are Love itself and Goodness, are operating with me, what could I possibly not do? Please let it be done to me according to Your will as it is.”

At that moment of this prayer, it felt as if my mind, nay, my heart felt like ablazing in flames. All my senses seemed to stop, and my soul and body felt like they were falling into a deep abyss. As a groan came out unnoticed from the depths of my own soul herself, affectionate voice of the Lord was heard:

“My beloved little soul! I came into this world as the Transfuser to cleanse all My children of the world from their dirty stains. Yet, even among those who claim to love Me, most of them receive the Eucharist habitually and indifferently, without sincerely repenting or earnestly seeking to meet Me in forgiveness and reconciliation. How, then, can they receive My transfusion?

However, how could I not be with you, who confessing yourself as a lacking and insignificant sinner every moment, long for and want me? Remember that I live within you not only when you receive Holy Communion but always and strive to become more like me. I will always dwell within souls whose hearts are open wide and earnestly ask for Me, ready to accept Me.

My little baby, who strives to bloom as an unfading flower every moment! While false prophets and heinous sinners emit a foul odor, unless one is awake, they cannot smell the severe stench and it is so infinitely sweet that they fall into it. But are you not the one who knows very well that the fresh fragrance is emitted from souls who open their hearts wide and rush to Me? 

‘I am the Light of the world. Whoever follows Me will not walk in darkness but will have the light of life.’ Convey what I have said to all so that they may completely accept My words and can be saved.” As the Lord’s words ended, an overwhelming uncontrollable wave of joy and delight surged from the depths of my soul like a wave. “Oh, my beloved Lord! I thank You. Please always be with this inadequate sinner so that I may triumph in the spiritual warfare.”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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