776. Although I Had Been Hospitalized in Three Clinics and Even Two General Hospitals…

💌776. Although I Had Been Hospitalized in Three Clinics and Even Two General Hospitals…

For a time the Lord revealed to me how grave the spiritual condition of the people in the world was, and through that revelation He disclosed the deep suffering of His Sacred Heart. He revealed to me His chest opening and His Heart being torn to pieces as He bled in agony, His Sacred Heart pouring out blood in clots, and finally, emptying Himself until not a single drop of water or blood remained. He showed me many scenes.

From that time on, I prayed to the Lord to grant me sufferings, saying that if, through my pains, even a single soul could repent, and if I could become a tailor of love to mend His torn Sacred Heart and bring Him consolation, then I would refuse no suffering. The Lord heard my prayer, and from Lent of 1982 I began to experience sufferings, which grew heavier with time. 

Yet when I thought of Jesus, still crushed under the weight of the cruel Cross because of the ever-increasing sins of the world, I could only be grateful that I was allowed to offer up my suffering. I offered them through Semchigo as if I were loved by the Lord, but as time went on the sufferings grew so severe that I could hardly take any customers at my beauty parlor, and I often had to lie down.

Seeing my condition, my family, heartbroken, insisted that I go to the hospital for at least a day. I knew well that, since this suffering had been permitted by the Lord, there was no reason for me to seek medical help. However, in order not to go against charity, I complied with my family’s wishes and was admitted to the hospital. At first, they took me to a traditional Korean clinic in Baekun-dong, Gwangju, where I stayed for a week receiving treatment, but there was no improvement at all.

They then admitted me to a private internal-medicine clinic, but the results were the same. Afterwards I was hospitalized at Namgwang Hospital, a regional general hospital, yet that too proved ineffective. Worried as they were, I obeyed my family and they next arranged for me to be admitted to the larger Gwangju Christian Hospital, where I remained for two months. Still there was no benefit from the treatment and the pain only grew worse. As my condition worsened day by day, my family’s anxiety became overwhelming.

At last, my family urged me to be admitted to Jeonnam National University Hospital. As my condition grew more critical, however, the repeated hospital admissions and discharges felt even more exhausting and only added to my suffering. Yet, I was not admitted in order to be treated and live, but rather, as an act of charity for my worried mother, husband, and four children, I submitted in obedience to the Lord and the Blessed Mother, and so I was hospitalized for the fifth time at Jeonnam University Hospital.

Even there, my condition was so grave that they placed an oxygen mask over my mouth, but still my chest felt heavy, and breathing was difficult. Whenever even a drop of urine was about to pass, I had to crawl all around the room, as if the lower part of my body was being torn apart. In the end, I could no longer urinate at all, and a catheter had to be inserted. A nurse came in, looked at me, and clicked her tongue, saying, “Your kidneys are completely ruined...”

To make matters worse, I could hardly drink water, and though I had eaten nothing at all, I kept vomiting. Even while being sustained only by IV fluids, I continued to suffer from severe diarrhea, and eventually even pus mixed with blood came out. My stomach hurt so badly that, in order to pass stool, I would cling to the door handle and struggle for hours, feeling as if my anus were being torn away. And yet, after all that, only a single drop of bloody pus would come out. Still, I joyfully offered up such pains through the Prayers of Life.

“O my Jesus, though only a single drop of bloody pus has come out, may You drive out all the countless sins of this world,” I prayed, fully offering up my suffering. Even so, every moment of that time was unbearably painful. I had never cried out even after giving birth to four children, and even when with terminal cancer I had cared for the 96-year-old mother of my mother-in-law by carrying her on my back; never had I experienced pain as intense as this.

Still, if only my sufferings could bring consolation to the torn Sacred Hearts of the Lord and the Immaculate Heart of Mary, then even death itself held no fear for me. Since these were sufferings filled with hope for the repentance of sinners, I could only be grateful. In that spirit, though I could scarcely sleep, I faithfully lit two candles at dawn and again in the evening, when no visitors came, and prayed for the repentance of sinners.

At the hospital they tried every possible method to treat me, but my condition only worsened day by day. When nothing more could be done, even the university hospital finally gave up and said, “There is nothing more we can do. You should be discharged now.” Our family resigned themselves and sent me home. I steeled my heart and thought, “Ah, now I must prepare for my death.”

How desperately I had struggled so that I would not become a grave in my mother’s heart through my death. Yet when I first prepared for my death (during terminal cancer), my heart was completely changed. Now that the Lord had become the master of my life, if He were to take the life He had given me, how could I not willingly offer it? This fragile life of mine, like a nameless wildflower, would be laid before the Lord’s throne for the repentance of sinners.

All that I am can be fulfilled only in the Lord. If even my death can bring glory to my Lord, then there is nothing in this world I will regret. Even as I faced the end of this life, I had the sure confidence that the Lord would care for my mother and my family, and so I was able to offer up everything to Him with joy.

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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