771. Two Sisters Who Visited Me in the Hospital and Spent a Long Time Speaking Ill of Others

💌 771. Two Sisters Who Visited Me in the Hospital and Spent a Long Time Speaking Ill of Others

Since I began working for the Lord, I have often seen parishioners or volunteers under the pretense of visiting the sick to pray for them, instead gossiping about them. When I was hospitalized at Gwangju Christian Hospital, two fellow parishioners who were members of the Legion of Mary came to visit me and said, “Julia! A fire that blazes too quickly cools down just as quickly.”

Although their words were directed at me, I offered it up with Semchigo as if they were speaking lovingly: “You’ve worked hard, staying busy with many tasks while diligently spreading the Lord’s Message.” However, they continued speaking ill of the priest, the nuns, and brothers and sisters in Christ. Their words made my suffering even more difficult to bear.

However, I kept offering it up with Semchigo as a Prayer of Life, as if I were listening to melodies of love: “Jesus, it is all my fault that I am hospitalized so that those sisters came here to gossip. So please forgive this unworthy sinner, and transform their words into conversations of love, blessing them so that they may speak only what is pleasing in Your sight.”

They were proud of having engaged in missionary and volunteer work in the church for a long time, so I did my best to respond politely with, “Yes, yes,” while offering up my troubled heart. However, their gossip showed no sign of stopping, and as time went on it became harder and harder to offer it up. Even from childhood, even before I came to know God, I so disliked speaking ill of others that I avoided meeting people, even distancing myself from friends.

Wasn’t it I, in my newlywed days, who, in order not to join in the gossip of the women living in the same rented house, shut all the doors and windows of our tiny room—completely enclosed by walls on every side, with not a breath of wind coming in—even in the heat of midsummer, living without so much as a fan or even a hand fan?

But when I thought of how painful it must be for the Lord to see those women—who had come all the way from Naju to Gwangju to visit the sick—engaging not in prayer but only in criticizing and speaking ill of priests, nuns, and the faithful, my own heart also began to ache. Though I tried to offer it up with Semchigo as if I were listening to a melody of love, I became increasingly restless, worried that the other patients in the four-person ward might overhear them. In the end, both my body and soul grew so weary that I could no longer bear to listen.

So I said, “I’m sorry, I need to use the bathroom,” and excused myself from the situation. I stayed there for a long time, praying that they might come to realize that speaking ill of others is a sin. Eventually, they came toward the bathroom and said, “Julia! You’re taking a long time. We’ll be going now!” I replied, “Yes, I’m sorry. It’s taking me a little longer.”

After they left the ward, I came out of the bathroom and couldn’t help but weep. “If only I had offered it up a little more beautifully…” I struck my own chest for not fully reaching a good conclusion and for my lack of love for my neighbors, and I asked the Lord for forgiveness.

“O, my beloved Lord, I have many shortcomings like this. Please forgive me as I am stained with shortcomings. Now I will try to make beautiful flowers bloom by having the wisdom to respond with love even to blatant falsehood. Love is beautiful and sweet, but it requires sacrifices rendered with the sweat of our brows and with our willingness to suffer a loss. As I have known this, I have always and repeatedly said that we should love even a cold and bitter snowstorm in winter, but again my shortcoming was laid bare like this… Beloved! Now I will come closer to You and will not lose my heart in whatever situation I may be subjected to. I will, unswervingly and without hesitation, follow the path on which You personally lead me. Please use me according to Your will.”

“My most dearly beloved Little Soul! My precious child, who even takes upon herself all the great faults of others as if they are your own! I always love you for this very way of yours. Who is there without shortcomings? Even if there is someone who is without shortcoming, of what use will it be if they do not love Me and do not give love to others? I love more those souls who do not let go of the string of their trust in Me but share whatever they have with others, offering up their whole hearts of love to Me regardless of how many shortcomings they may have.

Look, My beloved daughter! Even the Saints did not attain perfection in virtues just in one moment. They all had shortcomings as well, but they did not give up. They were made whole because they came into My love, making endless efforts again and again. How can someone reach perfection in virtues unless they offer up the pain of being cut, broken, pruned and trimmed? When you do not let yourselves fall into despair after looking at your faults, but offer up all the sufferings of this world graciously at every moment with a heart of persevering love for Me and thus entrust everything to Me, I will rule over your lives and lead you to Heaven.”

“O my Love, my Life, my All! You alone know my anguish, take this situation of mine into consideration, and fill up my empty heart. You held my hands and embraced me in Your arms so that I might not refuse the cross given to me, and You received me with Your warm Heart and consoled me. May my gratitude for Your love and solicitude never dry up! Amen.”

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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