768. The Husband Drifts From One Child’s House to Another After Quarreling With His Wife, Yet His Wife Says She Has No Sins to Confess?

💌 768. The Husband Drifts From One Child’s House to Another After Quarreling With His Wife, Yet His Wife Says She Has No Sins to Confess?

Throughout this Lenten season, my heart has felt truly heavy. In order to welcome the true joy of the Resurrection, we must all sincerely confess that we are sinners, repent with contrition, and, with hearts ready to make reparation, draw ever closer to the Lord. Yet many continue in their habitual, unchanged way of life…

As an example, there was sister Maria Kim, who took part in the charismatic movement from time to time and was very fond of me. Since she was known to be faithful in her service at the parish, I even asked her to be my mother’s godmother. Sister Maria had married off all five of her children and was now living alone with her husband. She once told me that she and her husband had chosen the baptismal names Joseph and Maria in order to follow the spirituality of Joseph and Mary, who together formed and lived out the Holy Family.

After prolonged conflict with his wife, he came to be in a position where living with her was no longer possible. He was more or less drifting around, going back and forth between his daughters’ house and his sons’. Meanwhile, sister Maria lived alone, attending daily Mass and joining charismatic prayer meetings, feeling she was living a faithful and devout life.

Then one day, completely out of the blue and without the slightest sense of guilt, she said to me,

“Hey, I guess I should go to confession for my Easter duty, but I honestly don’t see what I need to confess. Do I really have to go if there’s nothing to confess?”

So I asked her,

“When was the last time you went to confession?”

To my surprise, she replied,

“Oh, well... the last time I went to confession was for the Christmas duty last year.”

At that time, I was going to confession frequently, just as Jesus taught, in order to approach the Lord with a clean soul free from any blemish, stain, or wrinkle. So when I heard sister Maria’s words, I was so shocked that I could only stare blankly for a moment. Then I thought, “Ah, she doesn’t understand the importance of confession at all. So I must guide her with love.”

Back then, since I was continuously hearing the voice of Jesus and having ongoing conversations with Him, I often shared what the Lord taught with those who accompanied me. In particular, sister Maria, who had participated in the charismatic movement with me, always heard me remind her, “Take all things upon yourself and strike your heart in repentance.”

Since directly bringing up the conflicts she had with her husband might hurt her pride, I began the conversation gently, using a softer analogy.

“Dear sister Maria, if you wash a white clothes but just hang it up without wearing it, wouldn’t it still gather dust over time?”

“Oh yes, even if you just hang them without wearing them, dust gathers.”

“Do you have any empty rooms at home?”

“Yes, I do.”

“If you clean an empty room thoroughly, will it still stay clean after a few days?”

“Oh, don’t even get me started. Even after cleaning, dust quickly gathers and makes the room look dull in just a few days.”

“You see? Even when something is washed and cleaned, it still gathers dust and gets dirty over time. So just imagine how much more dust and dirt might cling to our souls as we live in this world.

We may feel like we haven’t committed any sins, but as we go about our daily lives, it’s possible to do wrong without even realizing it. Just as dust settles on freshly washed clothes, and just as a spotless room gathers dust over time, our souls, too, can become unclean—even if we think we've kept them pure. If we neglect the sacrament of reconciliation, dirt slowly builds up on our souls without us even noticing. Because it’s invisible to the eye, we simply do not realize it unless we remain spiritually awake and vigilant.

Many people habitually say at Mass, “Through my fault, through my fault, through my most grievous fault,” as they strike their chest. But when real-life situations arise, they often shift the blame to others, saying, “It’s your fault,” instead of truly examining themselves. Because they don’t genuinely believe they’ve done anything wrong, they assume there’s no need to go to confession.

And even if I were standing still and a stone rolled over and crushed my foot, if I were to say, ‘If only I had stepped aside a little, my foot would not have been injured. Because I stood here, I was hurt. Through this suffering, may I, my family, and even my neighbors be led to repentance,’ this would be a source of grace and merit.

But if I were to grumble, ‘What an unlucky stone!’, then that attitude could tear down all the merits we’ve built up. So then, how much worse is it when we blame others without ever realizing our own faults? Isn’t that a deeply unfortunate state to be in?

In life, there are times when we feel hurt if our children do not call, or when we feel upset with our husbands. But if we go to confession while holding onto these feelings of resentment and blaming others, can the Lord truly cleanse the stains of our hearts?  Or will it be when we take responsibility for even those painful feelings we couldn’t graciously offer up and bring them humbly before Him in confession that He will cleanse us?

So I said, “Take a moment to really think about whether there truly isn’t anything to confess. And if you take everything as ‘my fault’ that itself is a great grace.”

Only then did she slap her knee and exclaim, “Oh dear, oh dear—then I really do have a lot to confess!” and tears began to fall. She then shared the story about what happened with her husband, brother Joseph.

I told her, “You shouldn’t always think only from your own perspective—you have to try to see things from his point of view too. Even if brother Joseph was at fault, start by reflecting on what you might have done wrong. When your husband gets angry, you can say, ‘Dear, please don’t be so upset; let’s offer this all up together.’ Then he probably won’t get so angry. I always say that it is because of my presence that the other person ends up sinning.”

Then sister Maria said, “I never considered that it could be my fault. Listening to your words, I realize that because I was present, Joseph went wrong, so in truth, it was all my fault.” She then grabbed my wrist firmly and added, “Oh, thank you for awakening me, when I truly knew nothing.”

I said, “Then it would be good to go to brother Joseph before Easter, reconcile with him, bring him here, and go to confession together. Even if there were mistakes in the past, you can start anew from now.”

She replied, “Even though I have followed you everywhere, listening to priests’ sermons and the volunteers’ talks every day, I don’t know how I have lived like this until now. Today, I will go to my daughter’s house, ask Joseph for forgiveness, bring him home, go to confession together, and joyfully welcome Easter. I am truly grateful.”

I said to her, “Sister Maria, there is no need to thank me. This was never my doing. It is the Lord within me who worked through me, so give thanks only to the Lord, who leads us with love.”

At that very moment, the sweet voice of the Lord was heard.

“My adorable little baby! You give all glory to Me. This is the proof that I am at work within you, that you are guided by the light of My grace. Know that humility is the shortcut to cultivating virtue.”

Afterward, sister Maria went to her husband, who was at their daughter’s house, knelt, and sincerely asked for his forgiveness before bringing him home. She then went to each of their five children, asking for their forgiveness as well. What could have been a broken family was transformed, and they built a happy Holy Family, living joyfully together until her husband’s passing.

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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