💌 565. The Pain of Being Cut and Refined: A Deep Expression of the Lord's Unfathomable Love

While sitting and listening to a sermon entitled “Moses and the Staff,” my heart was filled with a strong aspiration for the Sacrament of Confession and Holy Communion, so the sermon did not register well in my mind. Then, at one point, I felt as if a sudden awakening hit me like a bang and immediately looked at the nun giving the lecture.

“When God prunes a tree to use as a staff, He does not select just any tree, but only straight trees. There is pain involved in pruning the tree. But it does not end with just pruning the straight tree. To make it into a better staff, He must cut off unnecessary branches and peel away the bark, so the tree must endure the pain of being pruned and stripped.

There is also the pain of shaping and refining it beautifully. It is only after such great suffering and pain that the tree can be used for God’s staff. If the instrument used as His staff is wrong, will not everyone who follows it fall into the mire? Even each single step will be accomplished if it is the will of the Lord,” she said.

The moment that I heard these words, I no longer needed any more words. “Ah! This is it! In order to use me as a staff, the Lord has allowed this to happen to me by pruning, cutting, hewing, and trimming me! This was grace! Yes, what does it matter to me if that person earlier was Jesus, or was Moses?

God must have allowed me the pain and suffering of being cut, shaped, and trimmed to be an instrument for His use. The Lord might have also put me through various tests to see if I was worthy to be used as His instrument. And since Jesus loves me so much and wants to use me as His instrument, how much must the devil have been jealous and hated me?

This might be a scheme of the cunning devils of division, who sought to give me a great feeling of despair, to take away my joy and cut me from God’s love because I have always been living joyfully, filled with burning love toward God.” As I realized this, thick dew drops began streaming down from my eyes.

Looking at the tabernacle, I cried out in tears, “Lord! My beloved Lord! I am sorry. I have broken Your Heart again like this, even though I had confessed during the vigil prayers at the retreat on the mountain that everything happened because I was there, and it was all my fault. Now I have come to understand. The devil, knowing fully well that I can forgive and offer up anyone whoever tries to harm me, preyed on my weakness instead.

He knew that if my mother-in-law had hurt me, I could have accepted it as my cross and offered it up well. That was why the devil hurt my poor mother instead, who has endured so many hardships raising me and continues to live a difficult life, without receiving the proper filial care and support from me so far. The devil knew very well this was the only thing I would struggle to offer up. So, targeting my weak spot, my mother, he used my mother-in-law as his instrument.

This is not my mother-in-law's sin. She probably does not even know that such things happened, as they were not from her own thoughts. She was momentarily used as an instrument of the devil, caught up in its cunning scheme, so what fault could there be in my mother-in-law? Oh, Lord! Did You love me to this extent?

To shape me into Your instrument and staff, You have allowed me to endure this pain, guiding me to a greatly profound understanding of Your purpose. Forgive me, a sinner, for not recognizing the great love You granted beforehand and for not fully offering up my mother-in-law.

The countless sufferings I have faced since childhood were such sufferings that were too harsh to overcome from a human point of view. But all of this was Your great love, which trained me to be Your instrument. And it was also You Who gave me the strength to overcome it!

As I longed to share love, I married into a large family with a father and many siblings. However, contrary to my expectations, I have been through countless sufferings from my mother-in-law—all of this too was Your love.

Because of Your extreme love for me, You have arranged today situation so that I could awaken greatly through it! Oh, my Lord, thank You! And forgive me for not fully offering up my mother-in-law. I have done wrong. Now that I have managed to understand enough, I will do better. Though unworthy and unqualified to be Your instrument, I will follow according to Your will.” Shedding tears, unable to even lift my head, I cried endlessly.

At that moment, a bright light shone from the front of the altar, and I heard the voice of Jesus: “That is it. My good baby! I have raised you from death to use you as an instrument, so follow Me and My Mother solely, focusing on Us with complete trust.” As soon as I heard the Lord’s words, I burst into loud wailing.

Jesus, Who repays evil with good, transformed the cunning devil’s scheme into spiritual grace. He led me, who earnestly sought Him, in a wondrous way, making me realize that my mother-in-law was my spiritual benefactor and, furthermore, making me feel that the countless sufferings I had undergone were the Lord’s supreme love.

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

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