💌 561. Two Days Without Receiving the Holy Eucharist Felt Like I Was a Lapsed Catholic

My life, strengthened daily through the Eucharistic Jesus! How much I longed to receive the Eucharistic Jesus even before my baptism as a catechumen! No matter what, I never missed a daily Mass. Since my baptism, the Eucharist I have received every day has become as refreshing as sweet rain, a wellspring of joy for my soul.

Every time I became one with the Eucharistic Jesus, the joy I felt was beyond words. However, what my mother-in-law did to push my mother menancely and mercilessly, leaving her seriously injured and unable to move at all. As a result, my heart ached so much that I could not fully offer up my mother-in-law. Thus, even though I attended Mass, I could not possibly receive the Holy Eucharist.

Those two days without receiving the Body of Christ felt as if they stretched into more than 20 years. My heart felt like it was burning fiercely and I realized that merely attending or not attending Mass does not define a lapsed Catholic. Not being able to receive the Eucharistic Jesus because I could not fully offer up what my mother-in-law did, has surely turned me into a lapsed Catholic. At that time, it was Lent.

“Jesus, I am sorry. Please forgive me for not receiving the Holy Eucharist during this Lenten season when I should be more awaken to participate in Your suffering.” I began to think that this must be the devil's scheme to cut me off from God's love. As the second day went by without receiving the Eucharist, I felt so spiritually starved that I could hardly endure it.

For the first time, I realized that being unable to receive Holy Communion was such an immense pain. I now more deeply understood that Jesus, Who lives in the Holy Eucharist, gives me strength and guides my life. Without Jesus, even though I would be alive, my life would not have been living truly. I earnestly asked the Lord to make a new start.

“Jesus! Thanks to my mother, who sacrificed her entire life for me, I survived countless life-threatening situations and despite all sorts of hardships, was able to help my in-laws because my mother did everything for me. Nevertheless, such a mother was severely injured by my mother-in-law and because I cannot offer up this situation well, I am unable to receive the Holy Communion now.

However, I will now regard my mother-in-law as a benefactor, make a confession to start anew. I will receive You, Who are alive in the Holy Eucharist and with the power of Your love, I will love my mother-in-law even more. Please forgive me, this unworthy sinner. Please?” I got up early in the morning, prepared to go to Confession and to receive the Eucharistic Jesus.

Whenever preparing for confession, I always first took a thorough bath, then opened the Bible to seek the Lord’s will, read the Scriptures and prayed the Act of Contrition. I then dressed neatly in a suit. Since Jesus had already allowed me to experience His presence as He stayed behind the priest during Confession, I approached with the respect and reverence one would show to someone of the highest honor.

On that day, after dressing in a dark navy two-piece suit, I went to Naju parish church, only to find that the priest was away. Unable to endure the spiritual thirst, I could not wait for the priest to return. The two days without receiving the Eucharist, which felt like I was a lapsed Catholic, felt like 20 years, or even a thousand and ten thousand years.

In order to make Confession even at another church, I went to the nearest Noan Parish Church but there was no priest there either. I then went to Songjeong-ri, the next closest area to Naju. There were two parish churches in Songjeong-ri. First, I visited Wondong Parish Church to see Auxiliary Bishop Jang Ok-seok but he was away. I then went right away to Shindong Parish Church, but the priest there was also absent.

I was even surprised that there were no priests in any of these places. However, I offered it up graciously and turned it into Prayers of Life, asking the Lord to save as many souls as the number of my footsteps I took in my search for Confession. That day, my only desire, no matter what, was to make a Confession and receive the Holy Eucharist.

With no other option, I took a city bus to Gwangju to go to Confession. While on the bus, I continuously held onto the rosary, prayed without ceasing and earnestly beseeched the Lord to grant me the heart to fully offer up my mother-in-law to Him and to love her more deeply.

My personal reflection note with Mama Julia🌹💗 

Link 👇🏻

https://docs.google.com/forms/d/e/1FAIpQLScMn-IyINZ8oGN8Jv4M0-pozcdF67tEqzlPkk4s0EZKdnOdEw/viewform?usp=sf_link